jaykstah.com

I often find myself stuck between complacency and desire. I think it’s a common thread for anyone who has creative aspirations. It’s easy to imagine all of these cool things you want to make but pushing the execution always seems like a game of waiting for the right moment.

One way to contend with this is to force yourself into ideal conditions. Sometimes its smoking weed or having an energy drink and telling myself the head change will motivate me enough. Sometimes its hyping myself up and finding inspiration related to what I want to do. Once in a while these methods are effective enough to at least get the ball rolling. But when the environment itself is in disarray there’s an ethereal force holding back creativity.

In dealing with this I’ve come to appreciate the art of creating your own environment. I’ve always had a decent eye for decoration and a desire to surround myself with what brings me joy but that curated collage often becomes buried in the chaos of day to day life with the debris it brings. I’ve gotten to a point now, though, where I realize that sometimes the only way to clear a blockage is by simply cleaning your room. At times I thrive in the half finished projects in piles around me but other times I get home and am met with the paralysis in deciding which to point my eyes at. But if I clean the slate I can breathe a little bit easier, and then set focus on something new I can manifest.

I’ve never been a neat freak and never been a complete hoarder. It’s the ebb and flow of existing in the machine we do. Some weeks a disaster, others damn near a minimalist utopia. I have a tendency to live in extremes and have finally found a routine to stay a little more in the middle. If the reset isn’t too labor intensive then I can simply clear the table and start new whenever I need to refocus.

On top of keeping the area generally clean and tidy, there’s an aspect of whimsy that needs to be present. For me, this involves fake plants/leaves hanging down along the wall. Small figures from random pieces of media that tickle my fancy. Tapestries of skeletons and vaguely spiritual references. I like some clutter in the sense that I like to see a collection or collage of interests.

There are two types of clutter, though: the decorative and the functional. The decorative would involve what I just described; aesthetic clutter that encapsulates emotions or invokes imagination. Clutter that brings comfort with familiarity and dreaminess. The functional would be anything you can use. Tools, entertainment devices, miscellaneous supplies, the random collection of items that pile on a desk throughout the week. The functional clutter is the one I struggle the most with in terms of finding both issue and utility in it.

On one hand, as I work on things the piles around me tend to keep things present in the mind. Tools are strewn haphazardly but I know roughly where they all are. Projects lay dissected but I know that they’re ready to be engaged with at any moment.

On the other hand, in a quest for a more stable and inviting environment, there is a sense of out-of-sight/out-of-mind. If I put things away then I quickly forget them. If I package a half-finished project I might find it in a year and fondly think back to the time when I cared about finishing it. I might tell myself to do something and never remember when I’m near.

So now my goal is balance. Well and true balance. To not let the environment fall to complete disarray between my hectic changes of heart and indecisiveness. But also to not hinder my momentum by hiding away everything in a vain attempt to seem organized and “with it”. So now my desks and accessory furniture holds small piles of things that I know I should want to do. A sketchbook, sudoku puzzles, a midi keyboard. It is visual noise but if I ever contemplate it it may inspire me to engage with it. It also isn’t a half-finished project which I may be frozen between motivation towards. It’s more of a tool and a canvas to invite a starting point.

All in all I’m not sure what the point of this is. Just a contemplation and a ramble about how I’m currently inspired. How I wish to maintain this sanctuary and make it a place that will drive me to create things when I’m idle rather than mercilessly kill time with a flick and a scroll. It’s ultimately an exercise in learning about myself. It’s important, I think, to discover this in the midst of ideals. I’m not a mad scientist in a disheveled lab and I’m far from a minimalist no matter how much I may think the aesthetic is appealing. I’m me and I require a calculated balance of clutter that both satiates the need for stimulation and offers just enough clarity so that I’m always looking forward to making things.

Learn what makes your heart sing and build your sanctuary. Once you’ve got that recipe, maintain it so that you may always have an appealing world ready to escape into.